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This it hurts with every heartbeat
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Tuesday, November 27, 20075:41 PM
In the dust, that was the city.
I laughed at myself today for thinking my life was crap. The two boys I like are so close to dating the girls they like, I only get 3 hours a week at work, I spend 6 hours of my day doing homework, and my arm feels like it's going to fall off, the people I thought were my friends seem to be drifting farther and farther away, and I almost cried from being hit in the face with a volleyball today. WONDERFUL. But then I remember all those people who don't even have fake friends, or volleyballs, or boys to worry over and I physically smack my palm to my forehead. I hate the human race for it's greediness and disgusting materialism problems. I hate money, and fakes and faux-pas. I seriously sometimes wish I weren't born so that maybe some other more responsible, acceptable, perfect child could have been born in my place. But then again, nothing is ever perfect. I like the fact that I've found reasonable ways to escape. Writing, drawing, painting and music are what I've been living off of these past few weeks. But I'm tired of the inanimate. I want living, breathing things to make me happy. There I go again, being selfish. I, I, I... it's like it's become impossible for me to publish a sentence without the word "I" in it. Anyone for petitioning to remove "I" from the alphabet? No? Fine. Accept the fact, no one's perfect. Never will be. My friend once told me that I shouldn't keep my feelings all bottled up, but if I don't, I feel weak, vulnerable. I have never been the weak and vulnerable one. Never. Strong, smart and loyal. I've always been that, and I'll continue to be, no feelings to be displayed here. If only I could take my own damn advice. I'm going to bed. Pc. SZ
Wednesday, November 14, 20078:38 PM
I say yes but my heart says no.
Scratch ProjectPorchlight for right now. I need to VENT. It's not that everything has gone completely and utterly downhill, it's mostly homework and, dare I say it, boys. 1. Too much homework! Over 6 hours a night! It's so completely ridiculous, I don't have time! 2. First boy and I are best friends, he tells me everything although I may not tell him everything... Second boy is completely jerk-ish and I never tell him anything about myself, but he's cute and I like him for all of his flaws, I guess he likes mine too? Third boy! Older, and I'm close with his brother. So awkward if we hooked up. And on top of all that, I know who boy one and boy two like. Neither of them are me, although they are fabulous girls. In theory. Now, you are probably all wondering, why oh why am I typing this all out on the Internet instead of gushing it all to my bests? Best 1: Boy one likes her, she likes boy one. They'll probably date. Can't tell her! Best 2: She used to like boy one, now likes to hang with boy two. She's out. Best 3: Totally would tell her everything, but I haven't had a chance to talk to her much. Best4: A little busy with her own boyfriend at the moment, understandable. Best 5: Haven't had a chance to talk to her much either. Get over the fact that I have 5 best friends, excluding the boys. AND, to make matters worse, I don't think boy one actually appreciates the fact that we're friends. Neither does boy two. Oh god, I pick the great ones don't I? In short, loves sucks. For now. On a brighter outlook, my mom and I went grocery shopping today; and I have three stories on the go, with no writers block! Just no time to write. Anyways, it's late and I still have math homework! I should go. Really, I should. Just so everyone knows, I love you all! Especially my 5 bests, who will never read this seeing as how I'm deleting a couple days after I post it. You know you love me, Zoe p.s. I'm obsessed with Gossip Girl, it's an addiction!
Monday, November 5, 20078:33 PM
Shows how commited I am...
Yes, I realise it's been over a month since my last post. ... I've been busy ! From environment club, equity and diversity, badminton, basketball, work and homework, I was unable to find the time to come and sit here typing meaningless gibberish about my life. BUT! I have found the time on this late night of November 5th. Fabulous isn't it? I would just like to outline the events of my day for tonight: 8:20-11:05 ; School. 11:05-11:50 ; LUNCH! With my fab. older friends. 11:55-2:30 ; School again. During school: Science teacher away, friends birthday, business teacher away, surprise gift for one of my bests, boys basketball tryouts...yum. ;) How girl-y of me, but I cannot lie, I think two of the boys on the team are quite cute. Adorable even. Too bad the boys and I are too tight that we can't date each other without ruining everything else. Great. After school: Passport updated! I'm off to CALIFORNIA! Excellente, non? Shopping, 9 new CD's!
During the Week: Saw Dirty Dancing live at the Royal Alexandra Theatre + saw Dane Cook at the Air Canada Center. Both completely and utterly amazing! That's basically all for now, tomorrow I'll be gushing all about this new foundation called ProjectPorchlight, it's awesome! Goodnight, SuperZoe. Labels: fabulousssss |